I wonder if he’s met Mr. Tata? February 15, 2008
Posted by Merujo in art, boobs, eBay, general weirdness, Mutha Russia.1 comment so far
Observe this auction posted to eBay.
Go, look. Read the text. You’ll know when to stop reading. Trust me.
Yeah sure, the poster is great, but I want to know why he says the poster has the “Best Nipples”???
I mean, I speak Russian, and I can’t figure out what the hell this was supposed to mean in the original. Did Stalin have a screaming set of nips? Were Red Army officers all smugglin’ humungous raisins? Did service in Siberia mean that you could look at a soldier and just know it was, uh, reaaaally cold outside?
Perhaps there was an Order of Lenin for Best Nipples.
I’m sorely tempted to send the seller a Russian-language WTF message, but who wants to ruin the fun for everyone else.
I’m gonna go look at my vintage Soviet poster and check it for nipples. If I find anything, I’ll be sure to let you know.
Oh, Joe! February 15, 2008
Posted by Merujo in actors, commerce, crime, death, general weirdness, Hollywood, obituary, snack attack.1 comment so far
Actor David Groh, who played Joe Gerard on the “Mary Tyler Moore Show” spin-off “Rhoda” has died after battling kidney cancer. He was 68. For my friends who are not yet growing long of tooth as I am, “Rhoda” was a really popular show back in the day. I remember watching the episode where Rhoda and Joe got married – it got amazing ratings. Shockingly, for American audiences of the 70s, the characters eventually divorced. That was an era of all sorts of firsts on TV. Hell, now I can’t think of a single show that doesn’t have divorce in it somewhere. A whole lot has changed in 30 years. A whole heck of a lot.
After the TV divorce of Rhoda and Joe happened, Groh was divorced from the show. The guy had talent, and he became one of those actors who pops up everywhere on TV. One of his performances I remember well was as a foul, vile abusive doctor in an early episode of “Law & Order.” (Back in the dark ages, when there was only ONE “Law & Order”…) That particular episode featured one of their first “ripped from the headlines” plots, inspired by the horrible real-life case of the vicious murder of six-year-old Lisa Steinberg by her pseudo-guardian, attorney Joel Steinberg, while Joel’s massively abused partner, Hedda Nussbaum was too messed up to do anything about it. I’ll never forget the police photos of Hedda Nussbaum’s permanently altered face after one episode of battery by crazy Joel. Terrifying images for a kid to see.
Well, at least for a kid in the 1980s, that is.
I imagine most American kids are immune to images like that now. Exposed to so much pixelated death and mayhem, a real-life pounding doesn’t mean squat to many of them, I fear. They’d shrug it off. And that saddens me.
Another thing that saddens me? That a talented character actor’s last role, while he was battling the cancer that killed him, it would appear, would be in one of the most grotesque TV commercials I’ve ever seen.
You see, Groh was the old dude in the creepy Skittles commercial, hooked up to a milking machine. Yep, Groh was the man flashing the man-boobies, giving up milk, apparently tainted by him eating Sour Skittles. (Are you shuddering yet?)
If you haven’t tasted this particularly freakish rainbow, here it is:
Yeesh.
And, again… yeesh.
I hope that ad paid really, really well.
And I hope Heaven isn’t full of Sour Skittles.
Scratching my head over Google AdSense February 11, 2008
Posted by Merujo in advertising, boobs, commerce, general weirdness, Google, Google AdSense, technology.4 comments
So, I’ve added Google AdSense to my page. It’s not exactly a bonanza of cash coming my way through the ads, but still, someone *did* apparently click on one of the ads today, which garnered me $0.67. (That’s not so bad for one click! Must have been one heck of an ad!)
But I’m still observing this phenomenon from a very curious academic standpoint. Last night I posted an entry titled “Hoot.” This discussed weather, high winds, a kid getting slammed into my car by said high winds, an owl on my balcony, and, briefly, the Grammy Awards. Yet, the ads that Google AdSense choice to feature with that entry were about supplies for a recently celebrated holiday that embraces just about every vice known to man. You’ll notice I did not name the holiday. I think if I use said holiday’s name (which rhymes with “tardy bra”) it may cause a whole new wave of outdated ads to pop up. But, all in all, I’m a little baffled here. Did Google AdSense see the word “hoot” and the big computer brain do a little twisted math magic like this:
hoot = hooters = boobies = tits = show us yer tits = that holiday associated with a level of debauchery usually only seen on “Girls Gone Wild” videos?
I just don’t know.
When I signed up, I checked the box for “no adult content” (although that would surely bring in more moolah) and the ads have been very clean. Squeaky, even. I’m not sure what this entry will generate in ads. I can only imagine what the adult ads would have been. Eeeek!
Rightfully so, the Sasquatch did point out to me that my blog isn’t exactly family friendly. While I’m not aiming to be lewd, crude, and rude, sometimes, it just happens. It is, apparently, just who I am: one part drunken sailor to two parts wanna-be artiste. But I try to do it all with a measure of humor and keep things work safe. I’ll hold onto my $0.67/day ad income. Eventually, the “tardy bra” ads have to fade out, right?
Hoot. February 10, 2008
Posted by Merujo in celebrity, general weirdness, graphic design, movies, music, weather, weekend, when animals attack.2 comments
We have high winds buffeting the area around This Nation’s Capital tonight. The temperature has taken a fairly dramatic nosedive (I heard we should expect it to sink to 15F later today) and it’s a fine day to stay indoors. Unless you are draped to the gills in warm layers and just love getting swept off your feet in a cloud of broken tree branches, that is.
After running a couple of quick errands this afternoon, I stopped to drink a cup of coffee and read the newspaper in my car outside a strip mall. In the middle of one mighty blast of arctic air, I felt this incredible impact with my bumper. Oh crap, I thought, someone hit me again?!? I turned to see a wide-eyed kid more or less spreadeagled across the trunk of my car. Two of his friends stood a few feet away, marveling at the situation. More than a little freaked out, I jumped out and asked the kid, who had to be around 12 or 13, if he was okay. He pulled his skinny self up off my car and patted down his body. “Yeah, I think so! Man, that was wild!” His friends were in appropriate awe of the power of Mutha Nature. “Duuuude, you were flying!” Laughing, they headed off down the Pike. I pretty much decided that was a sign from the heavens that I should just head home.
I intended to spend the afternoon down shooting photographs of the Chinese New Year celebrations in the District, but having just recovered from a lingering lung ailment, I figured I’d rather not roll the respiratory health dice again quite so soon. So, instead, here I am, in the failing light, watching “Helvetica”, the documentary tribute to that most ubiquitous of fonts.
And I am not alone.
The wind has thrown someone else temporarily into my household. Well, if you count the balcony.
There is a large, unhappy owl tucked into the far corner of my balcony, hooting like crazy, raging away at the sky. He’s taken refuge under a small table I use when I’m potting my portulacas in the springtime. If I could get a good angle before the sun vanishes, I would snap a photo of him, but I really can’t get the angle unless I open the balcony door, and, oh brother, that would be a mistake. I know my luck and tendency to be drawn into bizarre mishaps. Imagine me chasing an angry owl through my apartment! Thank ya very much – I’ll pass.
Sure, I could go outside and snap a photo, but that would require the rebundling of the currently warm and unshod body. I’m in for the night. And my feathery alarm system will surely keep me updated on the wind situation. He’s better than that National Weather Service.
If I still have power in a couple of hours, maybe I’ll watch the Grammy Awards. Curious to see if Amy Winehouse will be sober on her satellite feed from London. And, if Kanye doesn’t sweep every category, will he have one of his now-traditional award show tantrums?
Eh, who gives a hoot?
Sleep (and drugs): the great healer September 23, 2007
Posted by Merujo in drugs, general weirdness, health, hospital, restaurants, sleep.3 comments
With the exception of about three hours today, I’ve slept ’round the clock. Just woke up at 1:30 a.m., brushed my teeth, checked e-mail, and now, I’m ready to go back to sleep. I’m on a fairly amazing painkiller cocktail right now. The ER doc told me some people have out-of-body experiences from it. Oh, I am *all* for that!
In my case, it’s made me a major league lump, but at least it’s so effective that I can’t feel the throbbing ache that had developed in my lower back, neck, and head by the time I got to the hospital last night. When I drove to the ER, btw, I got all the way there and then realized I had forgotten to bring my wallet. As in, no ID, no insurance card, bupkis. Ms. Forgetful had to turn around, drive home, hobble upstairs, retrieve the wallet, and start all over again.
When I finally left the hospital (around 4-ish in the morning) it was raining. I wedged myself into the car and turned on the windshield wipers, forgetting that the one in the back was attached to that whole squished liftgate. I hear this “Eeeeeeeeerrrrrrrgggggg” as the wiper made a valiant effort to do its job and then just stopped in the middle of the window.
At that point, I laughed. A somewhat hysterical laugh, but a laugh nonetheless.
Back to bed with me. Tomorrow (well, later today) I’ll write about my ER experience, my two hours of conversation with insurance companies (my, my, but Madame Hit and Run’s insurance was quite surprised to hear about their client’s behavior), the great Dolby gig at the Birchmere, and the weirdness of hanging out at the local IHOP (aka “the Incarcerated House of Pancakes”) at 5 a.m. , while waiting for the drugs to be dispensed at the 24-hour pharmacy. I really can’t go anywhere without things getting strange. (As if you guys didn’t already know that…)
See you later today. Be there, aloha!
Sometimes… June 4, 2007
Posted by Merujo in America, celebrity, death, general weirdness, tabloids.add a comment
America just is one giant tabloid freakshow.
Church of the Big Sky 